I’ve been a journalist for almost 30 years and, as detailed in these columns, sometimes as a local reporter you encounter very personal stories about families that resonate for decades.
As detailed in a previous post, I reported in April 1995 – 27 years ago – for the Bedfordshire Times and Citizen about an abandoned newborn baby who had been left at an address in Kempston. She was named April after the date she was found.
Years later I heard privately from the baby’s adopted mum, and also several people who think they may have been related to April, who now goes by another name. Up until recently, I just forwarded any messages to ‘April’s’ mum, who was kind enough, back in 2011, to let me know she was happy and healthy and it was going to be her choice whether she ever wanted to research her birth family.
I don’t know the full name of anyone connected with this case – and sadly the contact email I had for the adopted family is no longer working, so anyone who has contacted me recently to forward messages – I’m sorry, but I can’t at present as I don’t have current contact details.
I appreciate it’s incredibly frustrating for anyone involved in finding adopted relatives, but sometimes adopted children, as adults, just don’t want to have contact with their birth families.
I know friends who were adopted, or who didn’t ever know a birth mother or father, and still have no desire to do so. Not out of any malice, but just because they made a decision that their adoptive family was the only one that mattered. In some cases, they may not have any desire to find out their blood heritage until they have children of their own, and often not for sentimental but for entirely practical reasons, maybe to check for inherited medical conditions.
The introduction of ‘at home’ DNA kits, and the evolution of social media, has of course changed the way that people find ‘lost’ relatives. But even then, there may well be deeply significant reasons for people not to make those connections and we must respect the wishes of the person who may not want to be found. Not everyone wants to end up on ‘Long Lost Families’.
Ethically, its a minefield and there are different things to take on board depending when you were adopted. For example, if you were adopted before November 12 1975, you need to have a counselling session before being able to access your adoption files. Before the Children’s Act of 1975, there were no laws governing how long details of adoptions had to be kept, and many records were destroyed. There were also, right up until 1983, ‘private’ adoptions, which may have been between families where the birth parent may indeed have been a relative, but the social stigmas of the time may have led to secrecy. Again, paperwork in these cases are less likely to be available. Those adopted in Scotland or Northern Ireland may have different laws allowing different access to records, depending on when they were born.
In the late 1940s there was further legislation that allowed adoptive children to inherit, and further laws allowed the identity of adoptive parents to be concealed from birth parents, with children given a number on documents rather than a name.
By 1975 laws were established to professionalise the way local authorities kept records, at first for 75 years and later for 100 years. By the time the Children’s and Families Act 2014 came into force, far more consideration was given to siblings to be allowed to leave contact details rather than just the birth parent or adopted person (over the age of 18).
If you know of a family member who was adopted, and you wish to leave contact details in case they decide they wish to get in touch, there is a way.
The Government’s Adoptive Contact Register is NOT a tracing service, but for a fee (£15 if you were adopted, £30 if you think you are related to an adopted person) you can register online here https://www.gov.uk/adoption-records/the-adoption-contact-register
Note that adopted people can also register NOT to be contacted.
There are multiple online firms who claim to be able to help so be wary, especially if expected to hand over money. However there are legitimate agencies, usually involved in adoption and fostering via a local authority, so do your research.
According to the Government site, you can use an intermediary agency to help you trace a birth relative if you are over 18 and you were adopted, or you’re related to someone who has been adopted. The fee for the service depends on the agency.
You can use an intermediary agency if:
- you were adopted before 30 December 2005
- a relative of yours (including a relative by adoption) was adopted before 30 December 2005
When an intermediary agency finds a person, you can only contact them if they agree to it. If they don’t agree, the agency won’t tell you their name or whereabouts, but might be able to share some information, like their domestic or family circumstances or their general health and well-being.
If you are the adopted person and you don’t want to be contacted, you can request either an absolute veto or a qualified veto.
An absolute veto means an intermediary agency can’t approach you under any circumstances (your adoption agency can still pass on information to you, for example about a hereditary medical condition or details of an inheritance).
However a qualified veto means the adopted person can say how and when they are prepared to be contacted, for example by a sibling, but not a parent.
You can also contact the adoption team at your local council if you know where you were adopted or via a voluntary adoption agency or an adoption support agency. Some councils organise their adoption and fostering through a recognised chaitable trust, for example, for the West and North Northants councils, it’s the Northamptonshire Children’s Trust.
Remember too, there are adopted people who do not know much about their original birth name or adoption, and they can register with the General Register Office via www.gov.uk/adoption-records to help find their birth certificates.
There are hundreds of children still waiting to be adopted today, so if you are interested in finding out more about adopting and fostering, you can contact your local council too.
There were multiple other stories I covered about adoption cases, babies being left by traumatised mothers, and many family reunions, successful and otherwise, over the years I worked in local newspapers. There is no doubt that the rights of the child have changed enormously for the better, and I do hope that those involved in these often hugely emotional cases have the patience and understanding to respect the wishes of those involved.
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If you’re travelling with babies and toddlers, festival camping can be daunting, but a couple of fun days in a festival field can be easier to handle – and cheaper – than having to fly abroad in school holidays.![grand_finale Shambala [965632]](https://hilaryscott.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/grand_finale-shambala-965632.jpg)
If there was a story in the news about a particular parenting issue, like childcare, or health issues, I’d usually have experienced it one time or another, and knew how lonely, confusing and demoralising those early years as a mum can be. Jed and Doug are only 19-months apart in age, and like chalk and cheese, so I’d had a pretty intensive apprenticeship as a working parent, at a time when you were only allowed 3-6 months maternity leave. By the time Billy and then Bonnie came along, I had four children under ten and had given up caring what people thought of me.
Hilary Scott Writes 