Category Archives: Parenting

Probably the worse record ever made, and it’s about Northampton

IT’S an underused, under-publicised and under-rated resource and probably in line for cost-cutting, but I love Northampton Museum and Art Gallery.

We don’t go often enough. We aren’t one of those families who go to all the Toddlers’ Afternoons, where you can make things with your under-fives. Upcoming events include a chance to make Chinese Lanterns on January 27, a Spanish Fan on March 3, or the ambitious-sounding Native American Wigwam workshop on March 31.

No, I go with the kids maybe two or three times a year when we find ourselves in town at a loose end. You should go, (it’s opposite the theatres) it’s warm, and interesting, and free!

I expect most Northamptonians haven’t been since being dragged there on a school trip, and I dare say much of it may not have changed since. While a lot of exhibits seem unchanged for decades, there is always something new every time we visit.

We’ve been going since the older boys were babies. They’ll tell you all about the Elephant Boot in the Shoe Museum part. All our kids have played with the shoe shiner and the twirly thing, where you spin sections of a cube to give different heads, outfits and shoes.

They have been through the weird and wonderful top floor, which features the history of Northampton, including a bit where you sit in a tunnel-that’s-not-a-tunnel watching a small flicking orange light, listening to the story of the Great Fire of Northampton. The floor ends with a bizarre corporation video extolling the virtues of 80s (or is it 70s?) Northampton with the kitsch ‘pop single’ called Sixty Miles by Road or Rail playing as the finale. It’s so bad it’s brilliant. You’ll see what I mean here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W52nq58OYsU

The museum is tragically under-publicised. Recently, Billy was most excited on a random visit to see football boots worn by the likes of David Beckham and Gary Lineker. There’s currently shoe exhibits from top sportsmen, including Roger Federer whose feet are HUGE. But disappointingly, they don’t say what size the shoes are, which I found strangely frustrating.

The museum might be known for its massive, historic collection of shoes, including very modern Blaniks and Westwoods, but it’s the rest that keeps me coming back.

The art gallery – and it does belong to you, the people – has an extraordinary collection that, let’s face it, most of us ignore and our children will never see. It needs to change.

The gallery currently has an exhibition called Big, Bold and Bizarre, running until February 27, and I urge you to drop in, as Billy, Bonnie and I did this week. The first thing to catch the kids’ eye – aside from the textile-covered lion and a kids’ drawing table – was a large oil painting at the end. “There’s Hairy Alan Moore,” said Billy, casually referring to someone he knows as a family friend, rather than a world-famous graphic novelist.

It’s a small exhibition covering everything from contemporary modern art to busts of the Fermors from Easton Neston, dating from 1658. My personal favourite is a picture of a metal door and lock, in such incredible detail I stared and stared, until Baby Bonnie decided she’d like to start drawing on the walls rather than the paper provided.

It’s not ideal to go to a museum with small children (unless yours are considerably better behaved than mine) if all want to do is read every description and explanation. But nevertheless, it’s worth going back and back again for short visits.

The curators obviously make an effort to keep coming up with innovative ways of keeping at least part of it fresh, and it desperately needs its own detailed website to show just how much treasure we have in this town. We must keep visiting or it will be lost to our own children forever. How can we deny them their own history?

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She saw Father Christmas doing a dodgy three-point turn

Bonnie with Father Christmas

THE last week of school saw my elder two a little jealous of their younger siblings, for a change. The primary/nursery Christmas celebrations are great – party food instead of school dinners, toy-days and visits to panto (the Deco’s Aladdin was brilliant, according to seven-year-old Bill).

Two-year-old Bonnie has met Father Christmas several times this month, including at the aforementioned rugby club, where she jabbered away in the queue to anyone who’d listen: “I’m seeing Farver Kiss’mus!” As soon as she got in for an audience with the big man himself – silence. Completely mute. Refused to say a word. Bloke had to apologise for her manners as she took her selection box and toddled out.

We all saw Father Christmas last week, but in an unexpected setting.
A car was performing a dodgy three-point-turn at a junction and we had to wait for it to get out of the way.
Imagine our surprise to see Father Christmas at the wheel, full suit, hat and beard, cursing away to himself. Well, I guess we all get a little stressed at this time of year . . .

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Flu 4, kids nil. A high temperature makes a neurotic of us all

HOW are your kids coping with the generic flu-sick bug-virus thing that’s been doing the rounds? Last week, it wiped our eldest Jed out for three days. Bonnie has just started to get back to her old self after over a month of cold-induced, non-sleeping/long-sleeping grumpiness.

There’s not much you can do with this particular bug. Keep ’em warm (not too warm), give them plenty to drink, dose them with the correct doses of Calpol/Medised/generic children’s paracetamol product to keep their temperature down(which it probably won’t), stick a bucket by their bed and leave them to sleep.

Poor little Bill was asleep on and off for about two and half days. He took himself back to bed after breakfast without a word because he “just felt yuk,” even though a party at his mini-rugby club was on the cards.

I was popping up to poke him every couple of hours, to take his temperature and check for rashes (the meningitis paranoia). “Does your neck ache? Does anything ache? Do you want toast? Scrambled egg? Sweets?” Nothing. He copes with illness much like his father – go away and leave me alone. Please.

As I write, sturdy second son Doug has finally been wiped out by it. Though he really tried to stay on the Xbox as long as he could. Even the charms of CoD couldn’t keep the bug at bay, and he was gutted to miss one of his 22 Lion/Witch performances at Royal & Derngate, like his brother had to last weekend.

So another one sent up to bed and another sleepless night on the cards for Nursies Ma and Pa. At least Bloke’s back to help with the rounds. . .

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The avoidance of shopping can only lead to Amazon guilt

I FEEL a bit of a fraud. I’ve done most of my Christmas shopping in a week without leaving the house.

Thanks mostly to the corporate beast that is Amazon, and the patient combination of our parcel postman and the ladies at Semilong post office, the packages are stacking up for Father Christmas to deliver.

Although clichés abound about women loving shopping, I really can’t stand it. I’d rather be cleaning, and I can’t bear that either.

But in these days where small local traders are struggling with the likes of Tesco and Amazon, I can’t help but feel guilty. I did order presents for my parents ‘oop North from a family farm selling local foods. But did I invest in Northampton? Er, no. Sorry. I’ve only left the house to go to work or deliver children about the place.

Second big chunk of guilt comes from the bare truth that our house is still full of the plastic cast-offs of Christmas past. Stuff that I fully intend to either eBay to pay for this Christmas, or give away on Freecycle to off-set some of that ever-present guilt. But it sits in numerous baskets and boxes, waiting for me to find the time to get around to following-up my good intentions.

This week the rest of the family is officially ‘off’ while I’ve still got work, more shopping, wrapping and packing to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike Christmas. It’s a joy when you have kids – even if you have given up on getting embarrassingly hammered. I just wish that week in the middle could be extended to a fortnight.

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Christmas preparation? Major fail

Bonnie can't resist the sparkles

WHAT with work, and poorly children and nativities, I still haven’t got around to Christmas.

At least the Christmas tree is up. That’s a start. Cards still not written, presents still un-bought.

The family photo-calendars I have to dutifully upload and buy every year in quadruplet aren’t sorted. And there’s less than ten days to go.

Bonnie can’t resist the tree (fake). She’s two, therefore bewitched by anything sparkly. She did help hang some baubles but now knows she can’t touch. The temptation is overwhelming, bless her.

She’s a little confused and very over-excited by Christmas.

“It’s my birthday?” she asks, hopefully, on a daily basis, only to be told no.

She knows there’s presents, parties and decorations involved, but hasn’t a clue where this Jesus Baby comes into things.

Still, I think we’re safe until the Peppa Pig advert calendar runs out. Then we’ve got some explaining to do. . .

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Forget the photos, why not actually watch the nativity instead?

 I WENT to my eighth (or is it ninth?) nativity play last week, to see our beloved third son Billy take on the role of Shepherd 3.

I still love a good nativity. And thankfully our primary school does make the effort to produce a new version of the traditional script each year. There’s usually some rhyming, some cute songs, a role for just about everyone without resorting to sheep or donkeys, and some humour. Yes, humour.

nativity

This year, Billy, not usually one to shy away from the limelight, was given four lines which were meant to be comic asides to the audience. I’ll admit, I was nervous.

At home, he seemed quite calm and mostly word-perfect. On the big day, the nerves got to him.

At first he needed prompting, then rushed his lines out, with a dramatic physical flourish as if to make up for the delivery. Almost ‘Ta-da!’ He got the desired laughs.

I’d love to have got a couple of photos of him and his costumed classmates, but thanks to some selfish parents in the middle rows, I didn’t stand a chance.

Despite a gentle reminder by the headmaster before the performance that people should avoid standing up unless they were at the back or sides of the room “to make sure every parent can enjoy seeing their children,” some decided that it was tough luck for anyone behind them because they were going to stand up and take photos or video OF THE WHOLE SHOW.

Everyone forgives anyone who pops up, takes a snap and sits back down again. But several parents just didn’t sit. They watched their child through a blinkin’ viewfinder.

There were mums and dads in rows next to me who simply couldn’t see at all. If they stood up themselves, then another row was blocked. A couple of us who were nativity veterans muttered and even hissed at the rude people to sit. We were ignored.

Well, we thought, we should be able to get pictures at the end. They usually hold the ‘speaking parts’ back to have their moment of glory. Nope. Straight back to class.

I don’t have a single picture of the last nativity Billy will be in. Not a frame. Not even a fuzzy-too-far-away one. Thanks very much you selfish standing-in-the-middle parents, happy Christmas to you too. I hope your children have better manners than you do.

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Breast is best . . . for as long as you can manage

APPARENTLY more new Mums in Northamptonshire are breast-feeding. This is great news. Newborns are meant to be breastfed. Breast milk has loads of natural antibodies which protect babies when they are at their most vulnerable.

But some Mums just can’t get the hang of it. It’s not that easy at first unless you have an excellent midwife who can show you exactly how to do it properly. It can be painful. If you don’t get this early help, or the ‘ick’ factor is just too much, you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.

You don’t have to do it for long if you don’t want to. Just breastfeeding for a few weeks, days even, will be better than not at all, as it also shrinks your insides back more quickly after the birth (the dreaded afterpains that no-one warns you about). And you don’t have to have baby permanently attached.

There’s nothing wrong with dual feeding – boob and bottled formula combined – or expressing and then putting it in a bottle. Do what works for you, and don’t let the breastfeeding-only Mafia bring you down. New mums have enough to deal with, without feeling guilty that they haven’t breastfed until their offspring start school. . .

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Christmas? I’ll get around to it . . . eventually

 “WHEN are we putting the Christmas tree up?” asks Billy on a daily basis. “Soon,” is my repetitive reply. I haven’t even thought about when. I haven’t even started shopping. To be frank, I’m rubbish at Christmas.

I have bought my cards, from charity shops, to ensure the 100 per cent of the money goes to whom it was intended rather than into a supermarket’s coffers. But I must remember to write and send them before December 25.

I should do an online food order, because that’s another thing I leave too late. And only Billy has written a list for Father Christmas, unprompted. He’s a boy who knows what he wants (and that’s football cards).

Bonnie’s technique for telling you what she wants is to sit in front of TV adverts shouting: “Want that! And that!”

“Father Christmas doesn’t listen to little girls with bad manners,” I warn her.

“Want that pleeeease. . .”

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Top tips to keep out the cold (or how we kept warm in the 1970s)

Monster slippers

WE seem to have missed out on the heavy snow falls that have ground the rest of the country to a halt over the past fortnight.

However, the cold has been painful. And with an erratic boiler, frozen pipes and the immoral rise in fuel bills inflicted by the greedy gas and electric companies, I’ve turned into my mother.

This means recalling all the things she did in the 1970s to keep our house as cosy as possible. Draught excluders, curtains over doorways, hand-knitted jumpers and extra blankets, yes, blankets on beds.

I’ve so far resisted putting up cling-film on the windows, as fashioned by my dad circa 1978. I do have some windows that aren’t double-glazed, so I’m not completely ruling it out.

We’re a pampered generation, what with our combi-boilers and 15 tog duvets. We’ve become used to mild winters where we still have to mow the lawn in January.

But this winter has been proper chilly. Brass monkeys. Wish-I’d-remembered-my-gloves weather.

At the time of writing, it’s minus 4 outside and I’m wearing a hand-knitted poncho. In green, with a hood. It was intended for summer camping use and hand-knitted by my mum after she made some cute ones for Bonnie. But it’s so toasty, and so much better than those awful fleecy blankets with sleeves which give you electric shocks from the static. I’ve tried to convince her to make lots and sell them on eBay, but she’s too modest, and thinks no-one would want them. Even Bloke wants one. In black.

Keeping the heat in when you live in a house built in 1880 is tricky. The ceilings are high, the ill-fitting doors positively encourage wailing draughts, and some rooms don’t have radiators (like our downstairs loo, which is so cold it might as well be outside).

But it’s surprising what a difference a few old-fashioned tricks can make. You can buy nail-on draught excluders which have a brush at the bottom but I’m not sure they work as well as a sausage-dog stuffed with rags and lentils. Or a knitted snake. Or a pair of old tights stuffed with strips of old towels. In the 70s, when we had storage heaters which only warmed up at night, Mum actually stuffed rags in keyholes.

Doors can be insulated with extra curtains. It doesn’t have to be flash. We’ve used a couple of screw-in hooks and hung a blanket over one. Another has a spring-action net-curtain pole with an old tab curtain hanging from it. It’s not pretty, but it does the job.

We’ve stuck our summer duvet over our winter duvet. The kids’ beds have fleece blankets over their duvets. They kick them off during the night but at least they start warm. And there’s a lot to be said for hot-water bottles and slippers.

Ah, slippers. So under-rated. The older boys believe they are far too cool to wear them, but Billy and Bonnie were more than happy to shop for slippers last week, and now have toasty toes. Mine are cow-print, Bonn’s have pink fairies on, while Billy’s are shaped like monster feet. Perfect.

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Lion, Witch and Wardrobe. Intelligent theatre in a sea of predictable panto

Review. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Royal Theatre Northampton.

Firstly, I should declare an interest. My two elder sons are in the ‘junior company’ of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, running at Northampton’s Royal Theatre until January 9th.

However, as any parent who has had to endure school plays will know, it ain’t automatically good just ‘cos your offspring are in it. (Hand in the rose-tinted specs as you leave).

Adam Baxter as Tumnus and Hayley Ellenbrook as Lucy (pic Robert Day)

But I’m not coming to LWW just as a doting parent. I’ve reviewed productions at Northampton’s theatres for ten years or more. As a local reviewer, you have to be honest, not sycophantic, but can’t be deliberately brutal like those who swan in and out of town for the Nationals.

Thing is, this version of the Lion is actually really good. And I am completely ‘meh’ about all the Narnia stories. They just didn’t do it for me as adventures. I’m almost wishing I could find something wrong with the Royal’s version to show I’m not just bigging up something which has my kids in it.

Director Dani Parr has a track record of making un-patronising, entertaining theatre for children. And although this story, published in 1950 and set in the war years, is far from ‘modern,’ our seven-year-old was gripped throughout.

White Witch (Georgina White) and Edmund (Peter McGovern) (pic Robert Day)

You spend quite a lot of time just gawping at the breadth of skills displayed by the actors. The striking and sickeningly-talented Georgina White, when not camping it up as the evil White Witch, also flits on and off stage to the visible ‘orchestra’ areas to play the saxophone and bassoon. All four adults-playing-kids Peter, Lucy, Edmund and Susan are capable singers and also play instruments (did I mention it had singing in it? My kids didn’t either).

The set, as usual with the Royal, is stunning and clever and still manages to surprise. The wooden panelling is a great idea to show the evacuees’ home. And when the Wardrobe is opened to show the snow-bound Narnia, there’s a blast of cold air emanating from the stage to further stimulate the audience . Costumes too, are inspiring (I found myself envying the white queen’s fur-trimmed coat and wondering if I could get away with wearing it for the school run).

Newcomer Hayley Ellenbrook is endearing and believable as Lucy, a role that could so easily irritate by a less able actor. Peter McGovern’s Edmund is suitably detestable, while Mr And Mrs Beaver (Louise Shuttleworth and Matthew Henry) add a welcome touch of humour in a show that’s about as non-Christmassy as it’s possible to be, despite an appearance by the Big Man Himself.

Usually there’s at least one mis-cast member of a production, but in L, W and W I just could fault anyone. Perhaps, just an itty-bitty-trying-to-find-a- criticism would be that there are too many damn children in it. But mine are great. Natch.

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe runs at the Royal Theatre, Northampton, until January 9. Call 01604 624811 for tickets.

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