Category Archives: Parenting

Leave a comment

Filed under Parenting

Kids’ TV is dead. Long live kids’ TV

YOU can usually tell someone’s age by asking them what their favourite children’s TV programme was when they were little.

Rentaghost

The surreal delights of the Clangers, Mr Benn, Rainbow, Rentaghost and The Wombles would label you as a child of the 70s, while Dangermouse, Thundercats and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would shift you into the 80s.

If Thunderbirds, the Sooty show and Andy Pandy in black and white trigger misty eyed reminiscences, it’s safe to say you are older than me.

Our own children, now ranging from ages 14 to 3, were blessed – and some would say cursed – by the invention of multi-channel TV in the 1990s.

Our eldest two boys were the original Cbeebies generation; the first to enjoy Teletubbies when it was causing a national kerfuffle, and Bob the Builder when he was still made of clay and flirting with Wendy (Sunflower Valley and CGI ruined it).

And while Billy had Balamory and Bonnie enjoyed the strange delights of In the Night Garden and Waybuloo, it seems some fear decent programming for children may become a thing of the past.

Russell T Davies, the man credited for rescuing Dr Who from TV purgatory and restoring it to prime-time family viewing, is warning that children’s programmes are on life-support.

In an interview with the Observer, Davies said: “I am passionate about children’s television, but it is, as ever, an endangered species, under threat.

“The most shocking thing I have seen is that, apparently unnoticed, five years ago ITV dropped children’s programmes. There is now the complete absence of children’s programmes made by ITV on CITV.”

When we were growing up there was always a snobbery about ITV, which I’m not sure has diminished much in 40 years.

While I always did prefer Magpie over the goody-two-shoes Blue Peter, and liked Press Gang more than Grange Hill, I can’t say I’d automatically associate ITV with great children’s shows.

It’s probably also worth pointing out that the undoubtedly talented Mr Davies is working on another children’s TV show for the BBC – Aliens Vs Wizards – about a teenage wizard and his scientist friend trying to stop aliens who intend to destroy the earth. And while his ability to spin a good script is undeniable, he did also write for Chucklevision.

Certainly as budgets get hit, children’s TV isn’t going to get as much dosh thrown at it as perhaps it deserves. It’s probably cheaper to import some overdubbed cartoons, or Disney-style tosh about overconfident teens than it is to make a decent home-grown programme.  Deadly 60, the hugely popular and intentionally hilarious wildlife show, must cost a fortune, as its bonkers presenter Steve Backshall travels the world looking for creatures that can kill you.

But I agree with RTD about TV networks not seeing the bigger picture with children’s productions, and that by categorising a show as ‘just for kids’ is failing to recognise both the writing talent and the potential cash-cow. After all, he made a lot of money for the Beeb from Dr Who and its Sarah Jane spin-offs.

Now I’d like to see Horrible Histories, the very best thing on TV, moved to prime-time BBC at, ooh, 7pm every night? Even its repeats would be far more intelligent and entertaining than what is currently offered in that slot.

Until the BBC complies with my demands, you can go to the CBBC website http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/cbbc/episode/b011qlwb/Horrible_Histories_Series_3_Episode_2/ and catch up with Series 3 of Horrible Histories. You don’t need to have the kids around. Put your headphones in and enjoy. It’s more educational and humorous than any half hour you’d spend on Facebook.

Leave a comment

Filed under Parenting

How do you tell a three-year-old that they won’t come back as a Zombie?

SO, we’re driving home from school and, as you do, I’m giving Billy some advice about why he shouldn’t do something or other, because he could end up hurt, or worse, dead.

It’s a fairly typical parenting technique intended to deter an eight-year-old’s curiosity, hopefully triggering some kind of safety reminder before they stick their fingers in a plug socket or eat 12 packs of Monster Munch in one go.

Then three-year-old Bonnie pipes up: “If you die, you just come back as a zombie anyway.”

Trying not to slam on the brakes, I tell her that zombies are not real, only pretend, and if you die, well, you die. (Not terribly tactful, admittedly).

“Well then, I’d just come back as alive again,” she counters.

“No darling, in real life you don’t come back if you die . . .” I started to argue, before realising it was not the time to throw more “No, dead is definitely dead” arguments at my toddler. I changed the subject to something less complicated, like particle physics.

But where has she got this idea of Zombies and ‘coming back to life’ from?

Obviously she’s been paying more attention to her brothers playing computer games at the weekends than we (bad parents) had realised.

Even more reasons to marshal their viewing habits and keep TVs and video games out of bedrooms. It’s not only those playing who get affected.

Leave a comment

Filed under Parenting

An experiment we may regret: Watch “His & Hers: Firemen and rugby” on YouTube

Leave a comment

Filed under Parenting, Random

The phone call you dread . . . “There’s been an accident . . .”

IT’S a phone call any parent would dread – “Now don’t panic, but [insert your child’s name here] has had an accident and we’ve called an ambulance . . .”

This happened to us for the first time this weekend.

It was the usual Sunday morning of rugby – which can either mean everyone at their home ground training or scattered around the county at different games.

Bloke had left early to take Billy to Corby for an under-eights game, I’d dropped Dougie at one club for an under-13s home game, while Jed cadged a lift with a team-mate to another town ground for an under-14s match.

Rugby is Bloke’s domain; I opt out of rugby when possible, in theory because I’m the taxi-driver for everything else, but in reality there’s usually a massive pile of washing to clear before the next heap of filthy kit arrives beside the machine.

Bonnie and I had just got home from a supermarket run. Then my mobile rang; an unrecognised number. It was our friend and fellow rugby mum, Kim.

“Now don’t panic, but can you get down here right away? It’s all fine, but Jed’s had an accident, and he’s OK, but we’ve called an ambulance . . .”

The old cliché of your blood running cold is truly accurate.

Within about four minutes I’d got Bonnie back into her shoes and coat, out to the car and strapped into her seat, and we were racing across Northampton.

Of course every light turned red as we got to it. Every slow driver pulled out in front of us, giving extra time for my mind to race.

He wasn’t knocked unconscious; we’d established that much on the phone. But what had happened? How badly injured was he? They said they weren’t moving him . . . did that mean a neck injury? What if we missed the ambulance going the other way to hospital? What if we didn’t get there in time? In time for what? How bad was it going to be?

I considered putting my hazard lights on, running red lights, overtaking, but I needed to get to him in one piece. And I had Bonnie in the car too. Don’t be stupid Hilary, just get there. Get to him.

Then it occurred to me to ring Bloke. What should I say? He was even further away. And what about Doug, who would need picking up from elsewhere?

When we got to the Casuals RFC ground in Bedford Road, there was no ambulance, but fellow parents were waiting to show me where Jed was. I parked – badly – passed a bewildered Bonnie over to Kim’s brilliantly responsible teenage daughter, and started running to the farthest corner of the fields where I could just make out a shape on the floor surrounded by adults.

At this point my adrenaline ran out and utter, disgusting, chubby unfitness took over. I got halfway across the muddy second pitch and couldn’t breathe, let alone run. I turned to see the ambulance coming in the gates and got to Jed just before it did.

He was on the wet pitch where he’d fallen, covered in coats, tops – anything anyone could donate to keep him warm – in shock and some pain, with his excellent coach holding his head still. Everyone was clearly concerned.

He’s a scrum-half. He’d been in a heavy tackle, fallen sideways and landed heavily on his back. After the impact his legs had gone numb with pins-and-needles, and his back was agony. He’d been told in no uncertain terms, quite rightly, not to move.

The two ambulance women quickly established he didn’t have a neck injury, and got him onto a stretcher and into the ambulance where he was given gas and air for the pain.

Everyone at the club had rallied around, taking care of Bonnie, kit bags and the car while I went in the ambulance.

Meanwhile Bloke had arrived back in Northampton, gone to fetch Dougie, and was on his way to retrieve Bonnie and everything else before coming to the hospital.

In A&E, we were admitted quickly. Jed had to part with the gas and air, which he’d clearly become attached to, and had been given strong painkillers instead. He wasn’t talking much, mostly from shock.

We were seen quickly by a nurse, then a doctor, and the diagnosis was that he probably hadn’t broken any bones, but had possibly torn muscles in his lower back. They seemed most relieved he hadn’t broken any ribs.

We were dispatched within an hour of arriving with three sets of strong painkillers and advice not to play sport until he recovered fully.

 

Jed before Sunday's drama. And no those aren't his rugby boots.

Jed felt relief, shock, and utter disappointment that he hadn’t been able to play the match and probably wouldn’t be playing for a while either. He was also embarrassed about the whole ‘taken off in an ambulance’ thing. Word had quickly spread and his phone was pinging all day with concerned messages from his friends.

Meanwhile I felt, and still feel, massive, overwhelming relief that it hadn’t been worse. A boy I’d grown up with had died in his teens playing school rugby in a freak accident. Plenty of other people suffer life-changing sports injuries and thank goodness Jed wasn’t one of them . . . this time.

Part of me is screaming: don’t ever let any of them on a rugby pitch again! But I know I can’t, and shouldn’t, stop them, any more than we can stop them ever crossing the road or getting in a car. Normal life carries risks.

Huge massive thanks to all at Casuals RFU who went out of their way to help and to the ambulance and hospital staff who mop up these kinds of sports injuries every weekend.

And by the way . . . they all lost their matches too.

1 Comment

Filed under Parenting

Don’t let bad sleeping habits lie

“SHE just won’t sleep, and I’m so tired I just let her come into bed with me,” a friend confided in us last week. “I feel like I’ve failed.”

It’s a situation most parents will recognise, but not necessarily under the same circumstances.

That once-contented, angelic baby, who seemed perfectly happy to nap during the day AND sleep at night suddenly decides that night time is party time. Or whiny time. Or cry loudly at the stairgate time.

Maybe they’ve always been restless and demanding at sleep time. Determined not to nod off unless walked around, rocked in a pram, driven around in a car, anything that worked, just for a few hours. Please.

Then just baby settled into a regular sleep routine, their teeth start to break through, and they are grizzly, dribbly, and produce nappies that make your eyes water.

You think it will pass, all this Not Sleeping.

You waver in your reaction.

At first you jump and run to them every time you hear the slightest whimper.

Then, slowly, you (should) try to ignore the first murmurings. Then, if it develops into a full-throated scream, (and you’ve other children trying to sleep), don’t turn the light on, quietly reassure them, put them back into sleeping position and leave the room.

We’ve all sat outside that door, going in and out, listening to wailing that seems to go on forever. And if it’s the middle of the night, sometimes it feels the only way you’ll get any sleep, and therefore sanity, is to let them into your bed.  It’s not a road you want to travel down for long.

Our friend has the added complication of now being on her own. She looks after two under sevens, works part-time and doesn’t have family nearby. It’s fairly understandable that she’s too exhausted to try the recommended ‘ten-day habit-breaker’ – where you spend up to two weeks just putting your child back into bed everytime they wake, refusing them the shared bed they’ve become used to.

It’s a hard thing to do: you shouldn’t get into conversations, just tell them they need to sleep in their bed and keep putting them back in it. It feels cruel, but after a few days of being resolute – you are the grown-up after all – you should find they gradually settle for longer.

Her three-year-old daughter – not her first child – has formed a habit of wailing and getting in with her mum. Her older sister has always slept well, in her own bed, and doesn’t seem to get disturbed by her sibling’s night-time shenanigans.

Whatever the psychological reasoning behind this inability to sleep in her own bed, it’s something their Mum knows has to be sorted out before the habit becomes too hard to break.

We’ve had periods when I’ve ended up sleeping in the spare bed with a grumpy, disobedient, usually poorly toddler, because it’s just been too exhausting to keep intermittently coming in and out.

But we have always had a stairgate over the little ones’ bedroom door, so they couldn’t just wander into our room. Partly to stop them thinking it was alright to do so, and partly because it always scares the bejesus out of me when a toddler appears silently by your bed in the middle of the night.

The exhausted mum-of-two is now going to try to put her daughter to bed by at least 7.30pm each night (somehow bedtimes became irrelevant when she was up all night anyway). I suspect this may help, if she’s resolute and doesn’t let it slide. A routine (wash, teeth, story) is important but not always possible (regularity is the key).

If things don’t improve she’s going to use half-term, when no one has to get up for school or work, to ‘train’ her daughter back into her own bed. It may not be easy, but in the long run, it should mean a better night’s sleep for all involved. I wish her luck.

Leave a comment

Filed under Parenting

First trip to hairdressers makes Mrs Fidget sit still

IT was my birthday last weekend, and Bonnie and I were politely asked to “go off and do something for a bit” so some last-minute shopping and wrapping could be carried out.

Faced with the prospect of the weekly supermarket shop or a something more interesting, I decided it was time I put my daughter’s unruly locks in the hands of a professional instead of trying to trim her hair myself. (She never kept still, and squeals if she even catches sight of a hairbrush).

I’m not the most ardent attendee of the salon either. I can just about leave the house each morning without complicating affairs by having to ‘style’ my straight locks into anything more than a ponytail. I might stumble along to a different salon once a year for a trim or to have some highlighter foils put in, but that’s about as girly as I get.

Bonnie, approaching her fourth birthday, was delighted when I suggested she let a complete stranger cut her hair.

For the first time in several weeks, she really was as good as gold (she’s been extending those ‘Terrible Twos’ for at least an additional 10 months, the stroppy little madam).

The hairdresser, Emmy, was lovely with her, popped her on a booster with extra piled up towels so she could have her hair washed ‘backwards’ like the grown-up ladies. Not a single gripe from Her Ladyship.

She particularly liked the ‘up and down chair,’ admiring herself in lots of mirrors and having a proper blow-dry.

Add a couple of sweetie bribes and she thought she’d had the best afternoon ever and thankfully had most of my wonky fringe-hackings remedied. I can’t imagine she’s every going to let me near her with scissors again.

Leave a comment

Filed under Parenting

Time for the book hoarders to let go

I’D just spent far too much of my Saturday cleaning out Jemima the Hamster’s two stinky cages when a load of heavy books landed on me.

I was not impressed. Closer inspection of the large bookcase in the boys’ room showed they’d wrecked it – mostly by shoving oversized books horizontally on top of already overstuffed, now broken shelves. It was like a precarious book-based giant game of Jenga.

Needless to say, the elder boys and I spent far too much of Sunday trying to fix the shelves and sort the books. It was way overdue. We hadn’t got rid of any books for 14 years and yet they rarely returned to any of them once they got past the bedtime story age.

But once they started sorting, I could sense they weren’t going to give them up easily. Rather than sorting them into piles – charity shop, recycling and back-in-the-bookcase – they both settled down and started to read. They might be barely into their teens but the room stank of nostalgia: “Aw, do you remember this one?” “Ah, there’s my ‘Where the Wild Things Are.” “No, it’s not yours, that was bought for me, I remember being read it. . . look, here’s where I ripped it. . .” and so on.

At one point the entire family was in the room, either having a long-forgotten bedtime story read to them, fighting over an out-of-date football annual or simply trying to sneak some of the tattier, drawn-in volumes out to the bin.

So I’ve inadvertently come across a way to get your children interested in reading: tip the contents of a small library all over their bedroom floor and then threaten to chuck it all out again. Which reminds me, I think there may have been overdue library books in those piles somewhere . . .

1 Comment

Filed under Parenting

Club Penguin’s back in the house

SOME years ago, when he was about seven, Our Dougie begged to be allowed to go on a new interactive webchat site called Club Penguin.

Back then it was a fairly scary prospect: letting your kids on internet ‘chatrooms’ and social networking sites (it was all MySpace, Friends Reunited and Bebo – Facebook was the underdog). MMORPGs (massive multiplayer online role playing games) were just role playing games.

We had a home computer, but didn’t let the kids go on it much and certainly not without us sitting on their shoulder.

Then Club Penguin came along, a site which let 6-14 year-olds wander around a virtual snowy world as a Penguin, have a pet called a Puffle, take part in games to win virtual coins and meet ‘friends’. It was this latter part which jolted parents out of their comfort zone – after all, couldn’t any old perv’ say they were a ten-year-old and ‘groom’ your child?

No, said the site’s creators, who had developed the program precisely to offer a ‘safe’ online environment for their own children. It has real-time moderators, blocks on offensive language and any words which may give away any personal location information about themselves.  So far, so popular – Club Penguin membership shot up to 30million by 2007 and was bought out by the Disney Company.

Doug loved it. He wasn’t allowed to buy membership at first because quite frankly, I thought he’d get bored of it. But his school friends were on it too, and none of them seemed particularly bothered about meeting new penguins, they just liked the novelty of speaking to each other in real time via speech bubbles on their computer screens. 

After a while Doug saved his pocket money to buy membership (monthly, if I remember rightly, again, the boredom factor). This meant he could access more ‘shops’ and furnish his igloo home.

But eventually he did get bored. His older brother got busted for lying about his age to get a Facebook account, so he didn’t even bother trying and still hasn’t got an account (waiting to turn 13 this year).

Doug’s interest in online chat switched briefly to bad grammar and spelling via Microsoft Messenger, then more recently to actually talking to his mates while hooked up to a headset playing online multiplayer games on the Xbox.

This in itself is a terrifying thing. Anyone can play Xbox and talk online, unless of course they only choose the option to play with people they already know. I have walked in before to hear weird accents coming from the TV when the boys are playing online, but they turn the volume down and ignore the background chatter, preferring the banter with their own schoolfriends.

Several years on since those early Club Penguin days, times have changed for us all (and the game was hilariously parodied in Three Lions).

Jed hardly walks two steps without his mobile bleeping a new Facebook notification, Dougie spends Saturday mornings playing shoot ’em ups while chatting away to his comrades on the headset, then goes off to actually play them face-to-face in rugby matches. Even Bloke and I are never far away from our Twitter accounts.

So now it’s little Bill’s turn.

We spent several minutes on the phone with his friend’s mum the other night negotiating a meeting place in a Dojo courtyard in some part of Club Penguin world. At the grand old age of eight he wants a Club Penguin account, costing £3.95 for a month, £19.95 for six months or £29.95 for 12 months. We’ve been there, done that, so for now, he can make do with the free version.

Sometimes I find myself thanking my lucky stars I’ve been through the online revolution with the three boys first – I suspect if she were the eldest Bonnie would have been far more stubborn and devious about it.

1 Comment

Filed under Parenting

Disney dolls dumped already

YOU may remember our three-year-old daughter Bonnie had just one request for Father Christmas: Disney Dolls.

Indeed, the Big Man came up with the goods and came down the chimney not only with Rapunzel, but Snow White, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty to you) and Pocahontas too. These ladies join Jasmine (from Aladdin) and Cinderella in Bonnie’s growing gang of plastic pals.

Needless to say, she played with them for about 20 minutes on Christmas Day. Since then they’ve lost half their outfits (at least one plastic shoe has been vacuumed) and been left in a heap on her bedroom floor, while she’s been swanning about like royalty in a Rapunzel dressing-up outfit, bought by her very own Fairy Godmother, which she refuses to take off.

I had intended to sanction Disney princesses, seeing as their only role seems to be to find a husband and wear nice frocks, but, like not allowing dummies and refusing an epidural, that idea went out of the window after about an hour.

I did add Pocahontas to the mix but couldn’t find Mulan anywhere. Should we be worried about giving our daughters princess dolls, or is it just a harmless phase of girl development? (See Lisa Simpson Vs Malibu Stacy)

Anyway, at least my Barbie ban is still intact. For now. . .

 

1 Comment

Filed under Parenting