Census wants to know marital status of kids

 HAVE you filled out your Census then? Come-on, they want it back yesterday.

Don’t kid yourself it’s so that your great-great-grandchildren can track you down on Ancestry programmes in the year 2199.

This is about money.

Government funding is linked directly to how many people live in a particular council area. That’s why they have employed 30,000 census inspectors to visit the homes of those who don’t return the forms by post or online. Armed with threats of £1,000 fines and criminal prosecutions (you’ll be classed alongside rapists and murderers), the census police will come a-knocking.

Filling in the form for our house was time-consuming, because there’s six of us. One question asked each of my children, all aged under 13, about their marital status. There wasn’t a box for “I’m a child, for goodness sake.” We had to tick “Never married and never registered a same-sex civil partnership.”

Poor old Bonnie, at the age of three she must feel like such an old maid . . .

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