Snot-face and the two-year health check

BONNIE’S two-year health check went OK. It’s the appointment where the nurse makes sure a child is reaching developmental steps by playing with picture books, building brick towers and drawing circles.

Since then, she’s decided she doesn’t need a daytime nap anymore, and just stands shouting at her gate.

Raspberries and tomatoes don't last long when Bonnie's at the allotment

This means she’s grumpy at tea-time and bonkers before bed.

It’s also left her a little run-down, and the cold has hit her quite hard. We had two quite tiring, miserable days where she didn’t want to do much except be left alone to watch repeats of Peppa or Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom.

She’s recovered a little this week and perked up at the allotment, where she stripped the bushes of raspeberries and squished tomato pips all over herself.

Now it’s just the streaming, sore, snotty nose. “Bogies Mummy!” she shouts, smearing it across her face and into her hair, just before you can lunge at her with a tissue. Delightful.

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The not so Virginal Gardener

Many, many weeds

ALMOST ten years ago, as the Northampton Chronicle & Echo’s ‘Virgin Gardener’, I started writing about my new-found passion for horticulture, admitting my gross ignorance and frequent failures.

I was a mother-of-two and had just started to take an interest in the very small, but sunny garden at the back of our first terraced house, in Kingsley.

Forward to today, and I’m a mother-of-four with a slightly larger, shady garden at a terraced house in Semilong and an allotment.

The name-tag may have gone, but the mistakes remain frequent: how long does it really take to become a gardener?

When I started, the first issue that I didn’t recognise anything. I didn’t know the difference between annuals and perennials, what were weeds and what were seedlings, and I’d never eaten anything I’d grown myself.

So in that respect, I can tick the ‘done’ box.

Just being around plants, at nurseries, open gardens, in books and my own plots, broadened my knowledge more than I could ever have imagined back when I couldn’t tell a pea from a passion-flower.

These days I rather like going to the homes of beginner gardeners, being able to help them identify their existing plants and weeds. I might not know the variety, but the basics are there. And I can always check in books later.

I used to be embarrassed to ask what a certain plant was. Now I’m beyond caring about looking stupid. (It’s been proved). I can sow seeds that actually produce plants and take cuttings from ones I already have. It’s all progress.

It may take up a lot more time than I ever anticipated, but gardening is still thrilling for me. Really.

From the excitement of the first bulbs popping up in spring, to the crops in summer and even the cold, damp, digging-chores of winter, it’s an addiction.

The children have all grown up with gardening. The older two have wavered: some years they’ve dug and planted and weeded and waited and scoffed. Often they’ve just not been interested. The younger two have helped and hindered, but I hope they all grow up with that little dormant seed of garden experience waiting to germinate. They already understand where their food comes from, the life cycle of a plant, and that you should never touch foxgloves. Or aconitum. Or stinging nettles.

As the summer swings to a close (and we did have a good one this year) my gardens are looking a little tatty and neglected, but they’re still giving. A second flush of roses have started to bloom, the sweet-peas are still producing, and an unusual, non-climbing clematis, given to me some years ago by plantsman Jim Leatherland, is covered in tiny blue, highly-scented flowers.

Up at the allotment, the weeds are coming through in earnest now there’s been rain, but we’re still cropping lots of vegetables and raspberries. For a change, lots of other plots look as scruffy as mine as the plants yellow and fade. I’ve thrown about a lot of green manure seeds, phacelia tanacetifolia, on bare ground before the weeds take hold. They are quite feathery already and should look pretty, although their job is to be dug into the soil after winter.

This week I’m thinking about which bulbs to start planting, all ready for that first flush of excitement next spring when the whole exhausting, demoralising, time-consuming, intoxicating, joyful, wonderful cycle of gardening starts all over again. . .

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Nametags, uniform bankrupcy and whether it’s right to see your children as a social experiment

MY poor children’s lives have already been over-exposed for many years via the ramblings of their mother on newspaper pages, but the new term throws up interesting potential for analysis.

I will have three children in three different state schools across Northampton.

One will be at a controversial new academy, another at an vastly-oversubscribed, catchment-less, single-sex secondary, and the third at a large urban primary without his older brothers.

Three schools also means three different uniforms. All which need name tagging(*shudders).

Up until now, I’ve got away with hand-me-down uniforms and the simplest naming technique for impatient mothers with few sewing skills: the permanent fabric pen.

When the boys were all at the same primary, naming wasn’t a huge job.

1. Find label on new polo-shirt/sweatshirt/trousers/PE kit

2. Write surname on label.

Now we’re dealing with a whole lot more clobber.

The two older boys have new blazers, house colour tags, ties, white shirts, tank-tops, trousers, rugby shirts, rugby shorts, football shorts, t-shirts, boots, trainers and sports socks.

I’m going to have to dig out the iron, or needle and thread, to get names into items that just don’t lend themselves to the easy charms of the marker-pen. Like ties. Or socks.

This means grumpy late-nights for me before they go back (on three different days) later this week.

I was dreading paying for new uniform, at a time when we’re more skint than ever.

However, it could have been worse.

Jed’s new uniform – and that of 1,000 of his schoolmates – has to be paid for by the government because it agreed to turn Malcolm Arnold nee Unity nee Trinity into an academy. The sixth form, who have to wear ‘business suits,’ are getting a voucher or refund for £40.

It would have been galling to shell out again after the £60 or so spent last year on the now redundant purple Unity uniform (suggestions on what to do with it welcome. I’ve already planned a scarecrow for my allotment). We collect the new stuff later this week.

Meanwhile, over at NSB, the costs came in just under £100 for pre-badged blazer, tie, and various bits of sports kit.

Thank goodness little Bill doesn’t mind his hand-me down uniform. He’s happy with three new yellow polos that cost about a fiver. All their trousers came from a 3-for-2 at M&S.

Two pairs of shoes had to be replaced towards the end of last term, so they’ll have to last until Christmas.

So we still need one pair of shoes, several white shirts . . . and lots of blinkin’ name-tags.

But if you think this sounds pricey, how about a friend of a friend in London? She’s just forked out over £300 for compulsory school uniform. . .for ONE CHILD!

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Solitude is a rare treat

I HAD a little solo getaway last week. Properly alone. It was bliss. Bloke was working away, the kids went to Newcastle to visit grandparents and I went away to Edinburgh for a whole day and night.

Having been a parent for almost 13 years, and with Bloke for even longer, I’d sort of forgotten what a joy total independence can be. On a train, alone, with a book, and headphones. Luxury.

I browsed shops for seven, mad, selfish, uninterrupted hours (usually I hate shopping). I tried on clothes, drank posh coffee in a park and pootled around an art gallery.

Solitude. I’d heartily recommend it.

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Reviews

There’s a new review on the, er, reviews page. Dr Who in Newcastle.

Haven’t quite worked out my blog pages properly. Ho hum.

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When will this running pain stop?

I’ve been running for oo, about a fortnight, on and off.

I run around a park circuit for about twenty minutes, and have been getting slightly better (ie, the point where my burning lungs make me slow to a walk is getting further around each time).

I do a couple of days, or one day off and one day on, then my legs are too sore to walk, let alone run. So I miss another day and it seems harder again.

The pain in my quads has gone, it’s a repetitive ‘tweak’ in the lower calf. First it was only the right, now it’s the left too. I feel it about half way through the circuit and can run through it, but an hour later I can barely walk.

I’m stretching properly after walking up to start my run (ie, not cold) and after I finish.

Is this calf pain normal? It doesn’t feel serious, its just bloody sore and annoying, and is putting me off trying to shift my fat arse around the park.

Come on all you seasoned runners, where am I going wrong?

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A beginner gardener’s guide to failure

Jed hopes the Great Pumpkin will come

I’d like to give you a reassuring back-slap if this has been your first year as a gardener. It’s not you, it’s been, er, unusual.

Did you spend your bank holiday reviewing your successes and failures objectively? Or wringing your hands and feeling like it was a complete waste of time? Cut yourself some slack – you’re new at this, it’s been a bone-dry season, and hey, there’s always next year.

I’m pretty sure if this beginner is you, you’ll have mixed emotions about your first foray into green-fingeredness.

I expect you will have grown a few things that really, really make you proud of yourself: a few spuds? Some peas or beans? Tomatoes?

Or maybe you spent rather too much money at the garden centre back in spring and have watched as some of your floral purchases have responded to your tender-loving-care by tripling in size, and providing blooms for months. While others, perhaps, lasted as long as a footballer’s fidelity.

If you took the vegetable route when you decided all those months ago that you’d quite like to grow stuff, then 2010 might have had mixed results.

On the one hand, you won’t have had half as many weeds and slugs to deal with as in previous, wet summers. Lettuces and potatoes have cropped well, without being scoffed by the usual slimy things. On the other, the things you’ve grown will have needed daily watering and probably bolted into seed as soon as your back was turned (refilling those watering cans, no doubt).

Hopefully enough things will have gone right to fuel your enthusiasm to start all over again next year.

My firm favourites are, naturally, the things that I manage to get to work each year without too much effort on my part. In the flower garden, that’s the roses (not too much aphid damage or blackspot this year), many hardy geraniums and ferns (which like my shady plot). Well-established delphiniums, two year old echinacea, deeply-planted bulbs which have avoided spade slicing and clematis which just go on giving.

At the allotment, it’s a more hands-on approach. Strawberries, blackcurrants and gooseberries have been abundant. The raspberries and recently-transplanted apple tree have been disappointing. But they can be left in over winter to try again next year.

The vegetables that don’t work are more tricky. There’s more wasted man-hours involved. You have to sow it at the right time, pot them on properly, plant them out early enough for them to be productive without killing them with frost. If you don’t eat a lot of something, don’t grow it.

Winners in my personal allotment show have been onions, garlic and shallots sown last autumn, one variety of potato (Sarpo Mira good – Blue Danube poor), and for the first time, tomatoes grown without blight and with enough sunshine. I’ve got more sweetcorn this year than before, which is satisfying. Every new gardener should grow curcubits: courgettes, squashes, pumpkins, marrows and cucumbers. They are the plant that keeps on giving. Hell, you might even start to like eating them.

And those pumpkins can hide the weedy ground and give you something to attempt to carve into a face in two-months-time.

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The tooth fairy is officially skint

After two teeth from two offspring last week, two more of six-year old Billy’s teeth have come out in two days.

The tooth fairies got confused and somehow one tooth earned him £3. 

I think he’s found a stash of old ones somewhere and is passing them off as his own. . .

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She wouldn’t have been surprised to see a lap-dancer costume

Feminism is dead

SHE can’t read, but after last week’s column about Bonnie being a tomboy, our daughter seems to have gone into girly over-drive.

After spending hours clip-clopping around in an older friend’s plastic ‘princess’ shoes and the inevitable screaming ab-dabs when she had to give them back, we took her to the toy shop so she could buy a pair of her own.

So far, so pink. I’ve not really ever had need to venture into the oh-so-pinky-pink aisles of toys for girls. Even Bonnie seemed a little surprised by the utter pinkness of it all.

We passed the dressing-up outfits for girls. Very disappointing. While boys have the choice of superheroes, TV and book characters, soldiers, doctors, cowboys, indians, the emergency services, dinosaurs and dragons, the girls get, well, you can see from the photo. Female stereotypes.

The rack had the vast choice of fairy, Snow White, a nurse, a cheerleader, or a bride. Yes, a bride. Aged 3-4. Eurgh.

Hasn’t feminism come a long way, eh, if this is what we offer our daughters for role play?

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All I want for Christmas is. . .

Billy loses tooth

THE tooth fairy deserves to get frequent flyer points for the numerous visits to our house. She came twice last weekend.

It’s an expensive time for her (or is it him?), when a child has reached five or six, and their baby teeth start dropping out. The going rate for teeth has traditionally been £1, meaning the tooth fairy will have to shell out £80 for all my children’s milk teeth over the years.

Billy, aged six and 11-months, has got five wobbly teeth at the moment, after the most precarious front top tooth finally became separated from his gob. It’s been hanging on for at least a fortnight. Usually, you can give a very wobbly tooth a quick twist and it will come away easily. Not Billy’s. His seem to become detached only on one side. We had to get the dentist to take one the last wobbler out.

This time the tooth came out in rather dramatic circumstances. A nice day out to Brixworth Country Park was on the cards, but as he went to jump out of the back of our ancient Bongo campervan he fell face-first into the gravel. Ouch.

Forgetting all the first-aid principles of not moving the patient, I scooped him up and sat him back into the van just as his wails hit an ear-splitting volume. He was so concerned about getting plasters on his grazed knees and elbows, he hadn’t realised his mouth was pouring blood. With wet-wipe ‘cold compresses’ being held on his limbs by his concerned brothers, and Fairy Godmother Aunty Nicki distracting a distressed Bonnie, I got a look at his mouth.

“Oh, at least your tooth is out,” said concerned elder brother.

“Yeah, but has he swallowed it?” asked concerned eldest brother. The wailing started again.

The brothers grim were given the task of trying to find the missing tooth among the white tooth-sized gravel where he’d fallen.

Amazingly, sharp-eyed Jed did find it. And thankfully the rest of Billy’s teeth, including the new tooth breaking through, were all intact.

Insult was added to injury when the tooth fairy missed out Billy on her nightly rounds. She was obliged to pay time and a half the following night to meet contractual obligations. (Don’t know about you but the absent-minded tooth fairy has missed teeth in our house on more than one occasion).

Over breakfast the following day, Dougie suddenly announced that he too had lost another tooth overnight, but had decided not to put it under his pillow as he wanted to keep it “and I’d rather have it than a quid.” He’s 11. haven’t all his baby teeth already come out? He showed me where a new molar was growing in its place.

Turns out children’s 20 milk teeth keep falling out until they are around 12. Jed’s just had his last adult teeth break through, just as he’s coming to the end of wearing a brace and his teeth seem to be all in the right place.

With all this palaver about teeth, baby Bonnie wants to get involved. “My teeth out for the fairy?” she asked, as I was getting her ready for bed. I solemnly examined inside her mouth. Her last milk molars at the back are just breaking through. “Not ready yet darling, soon.” (‘soon’ being the unit of time used on Bonnie for everything).

If your child is unfortunate enough to lose a tooth when it’s not wobbly, the old tip of washing it in milk and sticking it back in is actually true.

It needs to be reinserted within 30 minutes, or kept in the milk, and an emergency dentist trip sought immediately. Don’t think it doesn’t matter if a baby tooth comes out too soon, the tooth needs to be there as a ‘spacer’ until the adult teeth are ready to erupt.

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